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Abraham and the Amorite

Abraham and the Amorite

“I am God Almighty;
Walk before me, and be blameless…

No longer shall your name be called Abram,
but your name shall be called Abraham,
for I have made you the father of a multitude of nations…

I will give to you and to your descendants after you, the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God…

As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. I will bless her, and indeed give you a son by her. Then I will bless her, and she shall me a mother of nations; kings of people will come from her.”

(Genesis 17)

 

Whoa, hold up there, you got a second?

Oh, yeah, sure…what can I help you with?

There used to be a well not far from here, um…you go up past the palm cluster and turn left…is it still there?

You mean the one that um, that…old man Kael-Seeh dug?

Yeah, that the one.

No, it’s not there anymore.

Well, crap.

Yeah, but if you keep going straight past the palms until you see the big rock shaped like a giant, upside-down nose and then turn right, you’ll find one down there.

Oh, very nice. It must be new.

About six months, I think maybe?

Oh, ok. It’s been a year or so since I’ve passed this way.

Oh, is that a fact? Well, I’m Eschol, the Amorite. Nice to meet you…?

Abraham.

Oh, nice to meet, you Abraham…Abraham…that means…father of a multitude, right?

Yes, yes it does.

Wow, you and your wife must have a lot of kids!

Well, ha ha, actually, no. We..we don’t have any children.

Oh, man, I’m sorry. That’s got to be tough, going through life with a name like that and no kids.

Yes, well…it’s a new name.

A what?

It’s new, God, um…God gave it to me a few weeks ago.

God? Which god?

Oh, um…Jehovah…um…also goes by…El Roi…El Elyon…oh, and apparently El Shaddai.

Never heard of him. Is he new?

Well, I’ve known him twenty..twenty-four years now.

Hmmm. And he named you Abraham?

Yes.

Does he know you don’t have any kids?

Yeah, he uh…he knows.

And he still named you that?

Yeah, well, I have a kid…kind of…he’s just not Sarai, uh…Sarah’s. He’s not my wife’s son.

Oh, you two newly-weds? Previous marriage?

No….no…um…no.

I gotcha. Guy’s night out in Sodom, huh?

No, no…it was…well, it’s not really any of your affair so-

Obviously it was your affair.

Well it’s not like that, exactly. His mom is my wife’s handmaiden.

Dang.

Well, it was her idea and, I really don’t want to talk about this.

Hey, I get it. I don’t mean to pry.

Thank you.

Where you from, Abraham? You’ve got a bit of an accent.

Well, I was born back in Ur…land of the Chaldeans.

No foolin’?!

No, no…no, um…fooling. I was born and raised there.

So what brings you to Canaan, land of the Amorites?

Well…

Vacation?

No…

Trouble with the law?

Not exactly…

Sight-seeing?

No, no…God…you know, the Jehovah one…

The one who named a childless man Abraham?

Yes, well…I have a son, just not...anyway, he sent me here. Brought me, I guess.

Oh yeah? What for?

To live.

Why Canaan?

Well…

I mean, it’s a nice place, for sure. But it’s not as special as, say, Egypt.

Well…he kind of promised this land to me.

To you?

And my kids…

The ones you don’t have?

Yes, those kids.

He promised you…this land?

Yes.

Like…just this part here?

No…from…well…

How many acres?

All of it.

Say what?

All of Canaan. All of the acres. God promised it all to me.

And your kids?

Yes.

The ones you don’t have yet.

That’s right.

And how old are you, exactly?

Ninety…something.

And how old is your wife?

She’s…younger than me.

A lot younger?

No…well, it depends on what counts as a lot, I guess.

So, God promised you this land-

Yes.

To give to your kids-

Yes.

That you don’t have yet-

Yes.

For…how long?

Ever.

Pardon?

Forever. He promised it to us forever.

God did?

Yes.

The same God who named you Abra-

Yes, we’ve established this already.

Right. I’m just making sure….

Okay…

You have a nice day, Mr. Abraham, sir.

You too.

Oh I will, man. I will…I’m off to find some fun and forget this conversation ever happened.

Don’t have too much fun.

What?

I mean…God said the iniquity of the Amorite was not yet complete, and -

The what of the what?

And I don’t know if he was talking about you, specifically, but-

What are you on about, man?

Nothing, nothing…just…right at the rock that looks like a giant upside-down nose, you said, right?

Yeah…

Okay, thanks.

You’re weird, Abraham.

I know.

You have problems.

I have promise. Promises, actually.

Let me know how that works out for you, man.

I’m sure you’ll hear about it.

I’m sure I won’t.

Well, not you specifically, but your kids- do you have kids?

This conversation is over.

Alright, have a good day, Amorite person.

Get lost, Abraham.

I already am, thank you.

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