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Well-Wishers Saying "Happy Holidays" to be Marked with Gray Dot Stickers

Well-Wishers Saying "Happy Holidays" to be Marked with Gray Dot Stickers

He's been a very secular boy.  

He's been a very secular boy.  

New York City, NY -  With the War on Christmas finall nearing an end, Trump's Religious Advisory Panel (TRAP) has announced a new measure to be implemented by the President-Elect that will curtail any future insurrections by godless liberals intent on destroying Christmas. 

Taking a cue from the people of Wemmick, the panel announced that adhesive gray dots will be passed out to all conscientious citizens willing to "play a part in insuring that the scourge of gross secularism never again rises to challenge the most sacred of holidays." When a citizen hears someone employing the phrase "happy holidays", they are to mark them with a gray dot. 

Said the TRAP spokesperson, "while we do not anticipate criminalizing the phrase at this time, this measure will help insure that potential threats are identified and monitored. And, when necessary, given corrective education." 

TRAP has offered no comment concerning the related proposal that those people who say "Merry Christmas" be adorned with adhesive stars.  

Local Pastor Struggles to Reference All 41 College Bowl Games Into New Year's Sermon

Local Pastor Struggles to Reference All 41 College Bowl Games Into New Year's Sermon

President-Elect Trump Cancels Aleppo Intervention Strategy; Cites Lack of Delicious M&M's, Presence of Muslim Refugees

President-Elect Trump Cancels Aleppo Intervention Strategy; Cites Lack of Delicious M&M's, Presence of Muslim Refugees