Evangelical Leaders Create a Golem Possessed by #NeverTrump Tweets to Run as Third-Party Candidate
Nashville, TN - In what Russell Moore called a “last-ditch effort” and David Barton referred to as “an unorthodox method that was nonetheless well-known by America’s 100% CHRISTIAN founders” evangelical leaders have gathered in the secret bunker under the Lifeway headquarters to try and find a way to finally stop Trump.
Using ancient Hebrew techniques found in crumbling documents on-loan from the Vatican archives, the leaders of 21st-century evangelicalism fashioned a golem from clay, flannel-graphs, and old American flags and then read aloud a series of #NeverTrump tweets to give it life. Sources report the original plan was to summon the spirit of Ronald Reagan, but when that failed and Mitt Romney declined to be sacrificed for the effort, the Tweets were deemed to be “the only choice left, dangit, do it already, doit doit doit!”
The golem is expected to be available for comment after the clay and other materials fully congeal and take shape.