IF you don't know what you're looking for, just click anything. It's all equally interesting.

New Evidence Points To Possible “Suicide by Zookeeper” In Case of Harambe the Gorilla

New Evidence Points To Possible “Suicide by Zookeeper” In Case of Harambe the Gorilla

 

Cincinnati, OH – The continuing investigation into the shooting death of Harambe the gorilla has some speculating that the entire event was orchestrated by the primate in an attempt to end his life but still allow his life insurance policy to be paid out to his estranged family back home in Africa.

Zoo officials say that in looking over Harambe’s Twitter activity in the days leading up to his death they’ve found a somewhat morbid pattern as he continually made reference to his “good friend Cecil the Lion” who was “just waiting for (Harambe) on the other side of heaven’s gates.”

Investigators working at the behest of the local police force also believe Harambe might have made contact with the Daily Mail through his Twitter account to set-up their ensuing smear campaign against the family of the young child who fell into his enclosure in an attempt to garner public sympathy and place further pressure on the insurance company to pay out his family’s post-death claim. This has led some to believe that Harambe may have lured the boy into the pit, perhaps with candy or a gaming device Harambe was known to possess, but has since gone missing.

“There’s a lot of puzzle pieces lying around,” one investigator said, under condition of anonymity. “And where there’s that many pieces, there’s usually a puzzle. And you know what you get when you put a puzzle together?”

We didn’t.

“The bigger picture.” The investigator also said he has not ruled out the possibility that Harambe’s plan may have been even more complex. “Where’s the body?” he asked. “Could he have been clever enough to fake his own death? What if we’re all being played? What if we’re the ones on exhibit here, and he’s the one watching the show?”

Violence Erupts at Trump Rally as Protestors, Attendees Fight Amongst Themselves

Violence Erupts at Trump Rally as Protestors, Attendees Fight Amongst Themselves

Calvinist Blogger Shrugs Off Reliance on Logical Fallacies, Ad Hominem Attacks, Claims It Is “Ordained”

Calvinist Blogger Shrugs Off Reliance on Logical Fallacies, Ad Hominem Attacks, Claims It Is “Ordained”