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Falwell Jr., Graham, and Huckabee Agree That Trump Checks All the Boxes For Being the Right Kind of Horrible Person

Falwell Jr., Graham, and Huckabee Agree That Trump Checks All the Boxes For Being the Right Kind of Horrible Person

New York City, NY – Several evangelical leaders reiterated their unwavering and incomprehensible support of Donald Trump’s candidacy Wednesday as part of meet-and-greet between the candidate and approximately 1,000 pastors, teachers, leaders, and other potential marks. While reports coming out of the meetings are mixed, there are a few who left assured that Trump checks all the right boxes for being the exact kind of horrible person that Jesus would support as President.

“Trump is just like so many other heroes of God in the Old Testament,” Franklin Graham said in a statement. “He can lie better than Abraham, out-adultery David, and, if push came to shove, I think he could murder people better than Moses. He’s exactly who we need in the White House.”

Falwell Jr., who often spoke of how Trump reminded him of his late father, Jerry Falwell Sr., doubled-down in his endorsement of the candidate. “Sure, my dad sued Hustler magazine,” said Falwell Jr., “and yes, that is a framed cover from a Playboy magazine with Donald Trump posing with a porn star on the wall, but did you read the article about him? Great article. And that’s a classy picture of him. What’s your point?”

“He’s a great father to his children,” Mike Huckabee added at one point. “Just great. There’s a great tradition of Godly men being great fathers, and he’s the next in line. Noah had a great relationship with his sons, for instance. Lot was very protective of his daughters, and Gideon left his sons the same kind of inheritance and legacy that Trump wants to leave for his. And then there’s David, David was a great dad. I see a lot of those attributes in Trump.”

All three agreed that God uses sinners and that Trump fits that category like no other.

 

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