First Baptist’s VBS Production, SUBMERGED, Nets $35 million In Summer’s Opening Weekend, Sinks Competition
Cummings, GA – Summer opened with a flash, a bang, and few hundred gallons of water at First Baptist Cummings as the church’s annual Vacation Bible School Production turned a record profit and put their cross-town rival to shame.
Executive Pastor of Outreach Entertainment Scott McClellan, who produced First Baptist’s production this year and was attacked by a giant animatronics-squid in the opening ceremony’s climax beamed with delight as he talked to reporters after the big opening. “It was great, just great,” he said, with a towel draped over his still wet shoulders. “I’ve made a commitment in my nine years here that each year our VBS will get bigger, better, and bolder, and this year, I think we’ve done it.”
While McClellan admits there have been detractors to his new strategy of eschewing volunteers, recreation, crafts, missionary stories, and Bible lessons in order to focus on “action, drama, and spectacle,” he says the receipts don’t lie.
“This was by far our most expensive production, yes,” he admitted when asked about finances. “But this was a great opening and, hey, we’re here all week. The giant squid’s not dead, folks, and I can’t fight it by myself. I’m talking big-time celebrity cameo, here.”
Said Don Waters, pastor of cross-town church North End Baptist, who also opened Bible School this week, “Well, we didn’t turn a profit because we don’t charge admission. We’re just trying to get kids in here so we can give them a fun, safe place to be this summer where they can hear the Gospel.”
When pressed about how this tact will spread the Gospel to the kids, McClellan was adamant that his approach will read dividends. “They’ll come back, ya’ know? They want to see how this ends. They want to see what Christian celebrity will show up to fight the squid. Maybe Kirk Cameron, or Kevin Sorbo, or…and I’m not making promises, but…Tim Tebow’s not out of the picture.”
He added, “We’re modeling our approach after the Bible, for sure. Big, exciting stories that grab people’s attention and get them in church. That’s the Bible for you.”