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Democrats Set to Nominate Hillary Clinton as Presidential Candidate, Challenge GOP for “Worst Candidate of All-Time” Award

Democrats Set to Nominate Hillary Clinton as Presidential Candidate, Challenge GOP for “Worst Candidate of All-Time” Award

 

Philadelphia, PA – Now that the Republican party has officially committed suicide on national television by nominating Donald Trump as their presidential candidate, their Democratic rivals are going to extensive lengths to try and match their self-harm tendencies step-for-step. Rumors abound that, in an effort to try and wrest away an obvious GOP victory in the “Worst Presidential Candidate of All-Time” category, the Democrats intend to make a push for scandal-ridden, much-hated Hillary Clinton as their own presidential nominee.

Said one Democrat, speaking under condition of anonymity, “It’s hard to imagine anyone being a worse president for than the GOP’s candidate this year, but we’ve got to at least try. While some thought Sanders would have been a bigger disaster, the majority decided to stick with the old adage of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and stick with Clinton.”

The anonymous source did admit that Hillary’s time as both a senator and Secretary of State might indicate a greater level of political competency than Trump possesses, but was quick to add that Clinton’s fervent desire to abolish the Hyde amendment and see abortions funded at a federal level meant she exuded a special level of moral disaster at a policy level.

“Does she want to shoot Muslims with bullets dipped in pig’s blood? No, but she can do other, uniquely evil things and store classified emails on unsecure servers, so she’s capable of creating some pretty significant political disasters.”

Adult IV Sunday School Class Forced to Vacate High-Attendance Day Awards Due to Enrollment Fraud

Adult IV Sunday School Class Forced to Vacate High-Attendance Day Awards Due to Enrollment Fraud

Many RNC Delegates and Officials Mysteriously Transformed into Donkeys Overnight

Many RNC Delegates and Officials Mysteriously Transformed into Donkeys Overnight