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Local Man Shocked That Donald Trump is Inaugurated Instead of the "Platform" He Voted For

Local Man Shocked That Donald Trump is Inaugurated Instead of the "Platform" He Voted For

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Kalamazoo, MI - Chester Burns, a local man who repeatedly told his friends and family that he was voting "for the platform, not the person" received a rude shock this morning as he watched the inauguration proceedings on Fox News. 

Family members say his jovial and upbeat mode slowly gave way to shock and disbelief as it became increasingly clear that the oath of office was being administered to Donald Trump rather than to the anthropomorphic emdodiement of the GOP Platform that he expected to see. 

"He just wasn't sure how to respond," his wife told their friends on Facebook later that day. "He just kept saying, 'I voted for the PLATFORM!! THE PLATFORM!' I don't know how he's going to handle the next few years as the reality of what he did kind of settles in."

Lack of Angelic Appearance at Inauguration Leads Local Pastor to Wonder if God Might Be Against War Crimes, Cronyism, and Blatant Dishonesty

Lack of Angelic Appearance at Inauguration Leads Local Pastor to Wonder if God Might Be Against War Crimes, Cronyism, and Blatant Dishonesty

Local Pastor Struggles to Reference All 41 College Bowl Games Into New Year's Sermon

Local Pastor Struggles to Reference All 41 College Bowl Games Into New Year's Sermon