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Sources: Extreme Refugee Vetting to Include Reality TV Competition

Sources: Extreme Refugee Vetting to Include Reality TV Competition

Our sources say that this is the exact moment Trump asked if Guantanamo Bay could be overhauled to serve as the filming location for the show he wants to call "American Refugee Warrior Apprentice".

Our sources say that this is the exact moment Trump asked if Guantanamo Bay could be overhauled to serve as the filming location for the show he wants to call "American Refugee Warrior Apprentice".

 

Washington D.C. – Sources close to President Trump and his posse are reporting that his promised “extreme vetting” of refugee candidates will include as its keystone a reality TV show that is being described as a mash-up of “Celebrity Apprentice,” “Survivor,” and “the games of ancient Rome.”

Produced by President Trump’s longtime collaborator Mark Burnett, the show is rumored to include challenges to prove that refugees considered for resettlement are “as American as apple pie, as Christian as Franklin Graham, and as docile and subservient as a whipped puppy.”

Although the President is confident that his plan will breeze through Congress, recent setbacks in the court system have made him wary of “liberal activist judges who put their own adherence to law and the Constitution” ahead of their responsibility to “love, honor and obey” their President.

Details about prospective challenges and trials to be included in the show remain under wraps, but the initial proposal from the President included a finale where the winning refugee went head-to-head against Arnold Schwarzenegger in which the winner was awarded with American citizenship and the loser was deported to “the land of Nordstroms.”

Sources: Jerry Falwell Jr. to Propose Changing Liberty Mission Statement to “Training Champions for Trump”

Sources: Jerry Falwell Jr. to Propose Changing Liberty Mission Statement to “Training Champions for Trump”

Lack of Angelic Appearance at Inauguration Leads Local Pastor to Wonder if God Might Be Against War Crimes, Cronyism, and Blatant Dishonesty

Lack of Angelic Appearance at Inauguration Leads Local Pastor to Wonder if God Might Be Against War Crimes, Cronyism, and Blatant Dishonesty